Tonight

Something in the air tonight pervades my very being

Something in the sky tonight stops my heart from beating

Remember when you held me close? To never let me go?

Remember when you took me then? When I told you no?

I think about your drunken breath, your hard touch and cold hands,

I think about those stupid words you told me when you did it again

If you loved me you would never have laid your hands on me that way

If you loved me nothing I ever said could have made you strike my face

Something in my mind tonight makes me lose control

Something in this place tonight holds my very soul

Remember when I held that knife? Above your sleeping body?

Remember how I couldn’t hurt you? Even though you couldn’t stop me?

I think about how much I hated you, enough to want you gone,

I think about what I could have  done, how it would have been so wrong.

If I loved you, I would never have tried to take your life

If I loved you, nothing would have made me pick up that knife

Darkness closes in and puts its claps upon my heart

Darkness gives me terror, it’s when the nightmares start

I remember your hand, striking hard against my tearstained face

I remember your laughter, as you watched my consciousness fade

You took from me the brightest part, the love, the hope the trust,

You took away all the good, replaced the cheer with rust

In the end it doesn’t matter, I’m so glad that you are gone

In the end, I still feel shattered, how could I have been so wrong?

Darkness takes the wall away, the one I use to hide the fear

Darkness makes me face the truth, see everything so clear

Do you remember all the times you held my life in your hands?

Do you remember the reasons why you stopped again and again?

You gave to me my very life, without telling me why

You gave to me the will to live, while making me wish I could die

In the end, I wish that I had done it, had stabbed you through the heart

In the end, I know I could never have killed you, I couldn’t play the part

Through it all there is still something, something I need to say

Through it all, my heart’s still thumping, like the day I ran away

You hurt me with your body, with your hands, and with your knife

You hurt me when you took all I had, but left me with my life

I hated you for your touch, hated you for all you were

I hated you most of all, for making me so unsure

When I dream of you at night, sometimes I think I love you

When I dream, I can’t believe all the things I’d still let you do

Through it all, I think you knew that I could never be that angry

Through it all, I think that’s why you always found it in you to save me

I hurt you with my knowledge, with my power to destroy you

I hurt you when I told you that it was over it was through

You hated me most when I turned and walked away

You hated me so much, because I ignored you when you begged me to stay

When you dream, do you remember how you threw me in that fire?

When you dream of me at night, do you ever feel tired?

I hope that you regret all those things you did to me

I hope that if you don’t, at least that you can see

When you told me that you loved me, I believed every word

When you said you hated me, I always felt so hurt

In the end, when you and all your friends turned your backs and left

In the end, I felt so alone, my body ached, my heart bereft

Now I sit here wondering, how I could have ever been so foolish

Now I sit here wondering, whatever made me do it?